There Is A Story In The Clouds

Pop quiz, my faithful readers. Who can tell me who "Les Miserables" refers to and who calls them that? Anyone? If you had to look the answer up, you have lost the right to comment about how wrong I am about my following comments. See, what bothers me here is that I hear people saying this wasn't for fans of the book... Say what?! How can a musical adaption of the book (then made into a movie) not be for fans of the book? It must be plagiarism out and out than. As a clever magician once said, "It takes nothing to steal another mans work." (I believe Hugh Jackman was involved there as well ;) What we have is two guys who took another man's masterpiece, striped it for parts, and regurgitated it with songs. (They even stole most of the "lyrics" directly from the book.) The whole "to love another person is to see the face of God" line that everyone is now posting as their status, yeah, that's not Claude-Michel Schonberg or Alain Boublil, that's pure Victor Hugo. So get this straight, fans of the book have every right to their opinion on the way their beloved classic is portrayed.

 Now I hesitate to write this review because I know that there will be some individuals who will be livid by that fact that someone doesn't unquestioningly love "their" movie. I remember the mania that accompanied The Phantom of the Opera and I would had to get on the wrong side of that. Sadly, I must quote Kanye West and say, "Well, if this take away from my spins, which will probably take away from my ends, then I hope this take away from my sins." (Yes, I quoted Kanye West, but this doesn't take away from my legitimacy, it just gives me street cred ;) So before you get your panties in a knot you should know for the most part I LIKED the film! Far from loved it, but I'd give it a 6.8 out of 10. So before ya'll start a French-style revolution accompanied by a stirring musical number (apparently that's all we'll be doing in Heaven ;), let's discuss what I did like about the film.

 Firstly, I can understand why people who are being introduced to the narrative of Les Miserables for the first time would be smitten. The tale woven by Victor Hugo is so beautifully intoxicating and universal that the simplest retelling will garner life-long fans. And for the most part, the movie (and therefore the musical) did what it could to jam thousands of pages into three (or four) hours.  But we'll discuss that later.  I felt the acting was spot on. Hugh Jackman and Russell Crow (two of my all-time favorite actors) fully met my expectations (which were EXTREMELY high). Anne Hathaway did slightly better than expected. However, I was beyond impressed with Eddie Redmayne as Marius. His was a truly entertaining performance. The glaring exception, of course, was Amanda Seyfried, who should never have been considered to play one of the most angelic characters in all literature. Hers was a laughable performance with the sound quality of a drunken pixie. Other than that, I have absolutely zero complaints about singing ability or performances of the actors. I felt they were refreshingly real.

As someone who has never seen the musical and was only vaguely aware of the music, I was, for the most part, impressed with the soundtrack.  "Castle on a Cloud" has been stuck in my head for two days now and rightly so since it is a gorgeous piece. I felt one of the greatest achievements in interpreting the plot was Jean Valjean's pieces during his most important decisions. In the book, some of the most gut wrenching parts are when Valjean wrestles with his own conscience: when he must decide whether or not to save the man who is incorrectly arrested as himself, whether or not to save Marius, and whether or not to make the truth known about himself to Marius. I was pleasantly surprised how well it was interpreted visually.

As a film adaption of a musical, I did think it failed to live up to it's predecessor, The Phantom of the Opera which was far more bold, creative, and enticing. However, there is still some praise to give for the cinematography and camera work of Les Miserables. The majority of scenes with a solo occurring were in-your-face but not abrasive, enjoyable but not comfortable. I liked it. However, that charm was lost the second another individual began to sing. Now then, I've given it the benefit of the doubt as much as I can, let's get to my deeper thoughts.

As I have stated before, this site is dedicated to the story. That is what I love: the narrative, the lesson, and journey. As a cheap concert of high-profile celebrities singing at me, this film was a success. As a sweeping, engaging narrative that takes the audience to new heights, it was not. You would be correct in assuming that my perspective is the result of reading the book first. Having first experienced this narrative in it's truest, most beautiful form, I don't feel anger at this film--like I said I liked it for the most part. What I feel is pity for all those who have been robbed of one of the greatest stories

You will never experience the apathetic distaste of Eponine that turns to shock, pity, and guilt in a moment. You'll never feel the claustrophobic entrapment of Javert ever tightening his web around Valjean. You'll never know the months of giddy flirtation that turn to life-altering love between Marius and Cosette.You'll never know the bright, beautiful spring that precedes the darkest of winters for Fantine. And you'll never truly know how much good one being like Jean Valjean's can do to change the world around him. I weep that those experiences will never be yours. They can't be: the musical is close enough to the plot to tell you the sequence without the juicy detail. And the detail is only rich when you don't know what is coming next. Don't get me wrong, the book will still be incredible, but it just won't be the same for you.

I realize that since this film is an adaptation, most of these critiques are directed more at the musical than at the movie. The problem is that there is SOOO much to fit into a limited time. As a result, time becomes the enemy and narrative becomes the victim. It takes a very special person to not steal another man's story as their own when it comes to adaptations. In most cases, time is the excuse for why that "artist" "had to" make the choices they did. I can't take issue with the fact that this is done: I take issue with the way it was done in this one instance.

What I see in the musical of Les Miserables is not an attempt to tell an incredible story, it's an attempt to showcase some pretty music that was inspired by the story. That is why we have a beautiful song from Marius singing about his fallen comrades and an enchanting song from Jean Valjean about keeping Marius safe. But we get these at the expense of details that actually take place in the book. I would much rather have another love song between Marius and Cosette than a three minute song about prostitution just so 20 women can wear corsets and fondle themselves. Sorry, but that kind of defecates all over the harsh reality of what's happening with Fantine. Additionally, this is a musical folks, not an opera; not every word  has to be sung! Please don't leave something great out just because you can't find something to rhyme with it. And please don't change the plot because you DO have a clever rhyme.

Two changes to the plot upset me more than any other. First, the Thenardiers. How in the world did two of the most disgusting, deplorable, sociopathic villains in the history of literature get turned into the comic relief of the story? I suppose that's the best I can expect from a society that would laugh at an pornographically suggestive scene involving "Santa."  Humor must have drastically decayed without my notice. I promise you there is nothing "funny" about these two. They are the antithesis of Valjean (not Javert). For those of you who didn't know, it is THEY who are called "the miserables" by Marius as he observes the depravity of their cave of sin. So sorry, but I don't find humor in the couple that would grotesquely abuse a child, abandon and abuse their own, steal, kill, grave rob, kidnapped, and torture. But maybe I'm old-fashion. Oh, and Eponine becomes twice the heroine she is when you realize what she has come out of.

Second, I am deeply upset that one of the most beautiful love stories in literature got turned into the butt of a Disney joke. How did months of infatuation and flirting, followed by months of secret love notes and stolen meetings of pure joy, a love that leaves both people without desire for life if they can't have the other get turned into "I'm Marius. And you are? OH COSETTE! We shall be married in the morning!!" This is proof of what I was saying: time is the enemy and narrative the victim. Don't destroy my love story and expect me to be happy about it ;)

I'm sorry to those of you who have seen the movie (or musical) with out reading the book first. But that doesn't mean you won't still love the book. I highly recommend you take the time to read it. It'll make you love the story that much more. If you haven't seen the movie, READ THE BOOK FIRST! Then go see the movie, because it's worth seeing at least once.

Another Year Of Movie Nights

 I know, this is post would probably look better on the other side of Christmas. However, next week will be devoted to Les Miserables (naturally) thus requiring this post to be pushed up. Additionally, there are going to be some changes coming to this blog in the New Year to which I would like your (YES, YOUR) input! As many of you know, my lovely wife is pregnant and we our expecting our wee lad at the end of next month. As such, time and money will soon be a long absent commodity in the Virgin abode. To make a long story short, this means I'm just not going to be able to keep up with movies as well in 2013.

 So far this is how things are going to go do. I've decided that I will do this blog every other week and do a political blog (under a different blog site) on the off weeks. But this is where I would like some feed back. I'm not totally sold on the political blog idea YET, so if anyone has any suggestions about subject matter for said blog just let me know, and you may be instrumental in creating one of the most under-appreciated blogs of the year!! Anyway, on to the business at hand!

This post is kind of big for me because it marks a year since I began this blog. The first post I ever did was almost exactly like the one you are about to experience. Like I said, we've got a baby on the way; time and money are already gone--I just don't know it yet. Many of you reading this are in a situation just like me. You may not have a lot of money and even less time. You wonder how you are going to squeeze a trip to the movies into your busy schedule and worry that it won't be worth it if you do. This is where you sing praises to me because I am about to tell you about all the movies that will be worth your while in the coming year. You're not singing yet...

1.The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

 We've been through this... The above title has already replaced 'awesomeness' and 'attractiveness' in the dictionary. I know, I know, the critics weren't so kind to the first installment, but I've already proven they are morons! So no worries! Plus we have SOOO much more to expect from this film. The Desolation of Smaug will be pure excitement all the way through! (No drunken dwarf tea parties if that upset you in the first film ;)

  

-Expect it December 13th-

2. Man of Steel

Boy, I'm nervous. I'm taking a large risk having this guy so high on the list, but I have an unflinching faith in the power that is Nolan! If anyone could produce an epic Superman movie, it would be him. We just have to hope that Zach Snyder doesn't screw it all up with a "THIS IS KRYPTON!!" scream as Jor-El kicks General Zod off the planet in slow motion... Is there anyone reading this nerdy enough to understand the words that just came out of my mouth? Regardless, I think Henry Cavill will be the most promising Clark Kent we'll have to date.

-Expect it June 14th-

3. Star Trek Into Darkness

When the heck did I become a Trekkie!? I don't remember making that choice... I'm not sure I want to be one. Yet this film has me giddy at the prospect of seeing it. There's a lot of talk about what the plot is going to be about, and I'm happy to say I'm not nerdy enough to understand any of it. What I do know is that there is one HARDCORE Benedict Cumberbatch coming to lay a smack down on Captain Kirk, and I can't wait! And it seems that this year audiences will be spending a lot of time in space.

-Expect it May 17th-

4. After Earth

You are going to quickly notice this year that Hollywood is getting back into the space age even if NASA isn't. You've got Oblivion, Elysium (or the longest advertisement for MSNBC ever as I call it), Pacific Rim (or Power Rangers vs. Aliens as I call it), Ender's Game (or Holy SCHMOLY as I call it)... And a lot of them have a Planet of the Apes it-was-earth-all-along theme. This one seems to be the best of them all. I hesitate on two points: first of all, M. Night Shyamalan you've burned me before... you've got some butt kissing to do to get back in my good graces; secondly, this has the every potential of being a tree-hugger's fantasy. But how can you resist seeing the father/son dynamic of this film! Love the quote from the trailer too!

-Expect it June 7th-

5. Iron Man 3

This would be a lot higher on my list if I wasn't worried about The Avenger's hangover effect. Iron Man, Captain America and Thor did great own their own before The Avengers, but this is Marvels first venture back into the solo game and I have reservations. However, they were extremely wise to lead off with Iron Man. This third installment looks incredible; I just hope I don't keep expecting the Hulk to come smashing in while I'm watching. If nothing else, it looks patriotic!!

 -Expect it May 3rd-

6. Frozen

I feel safe in assuming this is the first you are hearing about this new Disney flick and that makes me feel indecently prideful ;) There is still not trailer so I can't say for certain that this will reach the glory of Tangled, but I sure can hope! It's brought to us by the sames guys that wrote Wreck-it-Ralph, so my hopes are high. I'm not overly excited by the actors chosen so far, but until I see a trailer, I'm not going to let that dampen my parade. Perhaps this will be the first movie Everest sees in a movie theater!

-Expect it November 27th-

7. The Lone Ranger
On the one hand, Johnny Depp sounds like a pirate... trying to be an Indian. On the hand, it's from the guys that brought us Pirates of the Caribbean and they have pleased me more often than they have upset me. It seems they have taken a family friendly show and turned it into an adult centered action thrill ride and how can you go wrong with that!? Prior to Pirates there weren't many good modern pirate movies. The same could be said for good modern cowboy flicks; let's hope this film does the same thing for cinema... I'm sorry I can't let this Johnny Depp thing go... he's even dressed like Jack Sparrow just with creepy face paint and a stuffed crow on his head. I just hope this isn't a trick to get more people to see Pirates of the Caribbean 5 by using a different title...

-Expect it July 3rd-

8. Ender's Game
 I'll just say, it's about stinking time!! I've been waiting for this movie since I read the book my freshman year in high school! I suppose I wouldn't really want to see a late 90's version of this flick though, so I accept the late arrival so that CGI could catch up with the work load of so much sci-fi epicness. It seems to be well casted. I mean, come on, Han Solo is getting back into space!! I wish I could give you a trailer to sink your teeth into, but this picture is the best I could do.

-Expect it November 1st-

9. World War Z
Fear not, faithful readers. All early talk is saying that this movie will be PG-13!! That's right, folks, a plausible zombie Apocalypse movie without the nauseating gore!! Yet don't feel safe with this film: rather than resorting to blood and guts to get a reaction, the writers of this film are showing how truly terrifying mass mobs of inhibition-less walking dead would be. I'm willing to forgive Brad Pitt's Thor look going on here because this looks epic. Be warned, "Walking Dead," your genre is about to be stolen out from under you.

-Expect it June 21st-

10. Now You See Me

 Micheal Caine, Morgan Freeman, Mark Zuckerberg, AND the Hulk all in a movie about magic!? Yes, please! It's low on the list because A) it's got some incredible predecessors, and B) I'm worried it will have a "rich people are evil" theme which is so late 1700's French... It appears that there will be some sci-fi work in this magic caper in the style of The Prestige. That's the tricky part about movies... it's hard to guess the ending when they can throw supernatural stuff in there anytime they want. I digress--this flick comes out the same day as After Earth, so my guess is it will come in second that weekend, but I've been wrong before.

-Expect it June 7th-

Honorable Mentions:

The Wolverine: Why am I such a sucker for this guy!? I didn't just dislike the Origins, it made me feel all awkward inside...The good news is there is a new director, so that gives me some hope. The bad news is it's all taking place in Japan, so there's a part of me expecting Crouching Tiger Hidden Wolverine from this flick. I'd love to give it a spot on my list, but the insult from the last movie was to big to forget.

Expect it July 26th

Catching Fire: I made the mistake of not recommending Hunger Games last year and had to eat my own words when it was amazing. This is my attempt to make recompense for that. I'm still not expecting the same success as the first film because of a worse plot line and a different director. I guess what I'm saying is this is me betting on my ability to underestimate at times.

Happy New Year!!

Long Awaited Joy From An Unexpected Journey

I have already wrote a blog dedicated to The Hobbit and how important the book was to me growing up because of my father. However, I owe a lot to Peter Jackson for giving us the films The Lord of the Rings and now The Hobbit. The Lord of the Rings was the reason I started loving movies so much. They were the reason I got in soundtracks. And the trailer for The Hobbit that came out around this time last year was the strongest motivating factor for starting this blog.

So it comes as great satisfaction to know that all the waiting for this movie was not in vain. Of course, there will be lots of critics saying this movie isn't worth the time, but they're trying to lead you down the path of ignorance; I'm trying to led you down the path that ROCKS! So let's get straight to it! We'll start with what made this movie so good and then address some of the criticism. Just to stick it to the critics; I'm giving this movie a 9 out of 10! I have to apologize, at the end of the blog I get carried away in going off at critics (that's a lot of prepositions...) Feel free to skip if you desire.

Journeying Down the Path that Rock

1. Acting: Now, I thought I was blown away with the genius Peter Jackson displayed in casting The Lord of the Rings. I mean, come on, I'm convinced Sir Ian Mckellen may actually be a wizard and will anyone ever see Sean Austin as anything other Samwise Gamgee? (Well, maybe as the little kid from The Goonies...) It is pure joy to see that old skill return with Gandalf and Gollum. Of all the great performances Andy Serkis gave us as Gollum in the last films, this one is the crown jewel of the set.

On top of all that, this installment has Martin Freeman as Bilbo. I really can't tell you how many times I laughed just because of his small idiosyncrasies. I, like most of you, became a fan with the "Sherlock" series, but this performance out paces his work on the show by miles. I'm on the edge of my seat (That's a lie: I'm currently comfortably imbedded in my couch.) waiting to see what he'll bring us with the next films. Additionally--though you wont be able to distinguish most of them by the end of the film--each of the dwarfs is spot on.

2. Master of Detail: In the world of directors, Peter Jackson would be Sherlock Holmes! He is a master of detail in the world of film. It's incredible to see how much effort he put into just the smallest parts of the set that only true fans will catch. For instance, in The Lord of the Rings when Gandalf first shows up at Bag End, we see him hit a low hanging chandelier and get frustrated like he's done that enough times to know better. In The Hobbit, we see him do that for supposedly the first time! I know... I'm a dork, and I was the only one who laughed in the theater but that is the kind of detail you expect from these films. Little things that make all the difference.

3. Interpretation of plot: Does Mr. Jackson stay completely true to the plot? No. But that in no way takes away from the overall narrative. One of my favorite additions was getting to see the city of Erebor at the beginning of the film. Then being able to see Radagast and The White Council and the introduction of the Nazgul to Middle Earth. It was probably too much for some of the fans in the audience. Perhaps it is too much for just the average movie goer, but they can feel comforted in the fact that they never have to wait long for the next orc to die.

Most importantly, for those most iconic scene from the book we get to see almost a direct translation into film! I loved getting to see the Riddles in the Dark (probably my favorite part of the movie), the trolls arguing over how to cook the dwarfs, and surprisingly the dwarfs showing up at Bag End was a close second favorite. Fans are fully satisfied and first timers are completely entertained.

4. Music and scenery: It's quite clear that the only reason that Peter Jackson chose New Zealand for his films is because... IT'S AWESOME! Several shots are just to show off, but, really, who cares!? Additionally, Pete's Visual Effects team is a master at creating the creepiest of monsters and the most incredible sets. Three hours of eye candy? Yes, please!

Do I really even need to mention that Howard Shore is back for the soundtrack and it could possibly be the soundtrack to end all soundtracks? I was going to make a compilation of it to share with all those not familiar with his work, but I don't want to break copyright laws so I'll just highly recommend you check it out. My personal favorite is "Over Hill." When this music is combined with the camera work... let's just say the audience may need Pampers ;)

5. Something for everyone: Yes, this narrative is more geared towards kids, but adults should be warned that there is some action intended for adults. And there is a lot of action despite what critics will have you believe. Still the age range is wider than it was for The Lord of the Rings. The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit are two of the most widely owned books in the world (not including religious text) and it's clear why. This is a universal narrative that everyone can enjoy. The world has been waiting for this film to be made, and I'm thrilled I was alive to see it happen.

Response to Criticism:

1. It's too long: This is the one I have the hardest time understanding. Let me see if I can break this down. People are happier spending $10 to see a 2 hour movie than they are paying $10 to see a 3 hour movie!? I'm no math genius, but that means you prefer spending $5 for an hour of entertainment over spending $3.34 for an hour of entertainment. I think it comes down to attention spans. To make a long story short (no pun intended) the world's is getting shorter.

I am currently reading A Tale of Two Cities right now and one thing strikes me: there is a lot of detail that has nothing to do with the overall plot. But far from being repulsed by this, I find it extremely refreshing. It's so nice to read something that is just meant to be beautiful and insightful. Additionally, when everything mentioned plays into the overall plot it becomes extremely easy to guess what is coming. My point to all this? The age of nonessential detail is dead. We don't have time for it, care for it, or want it. Our time has "run out" and as a result so will most of the good things in this world.

The moral of the story? If you can't sit still for three hours at a time other then to sleep, you are retrogressing in age. (I have a class of 4-year old's you would fit right in with.) Now if you just don't enjoy the subject matter or movies period that is completely understandable. But if this is your only complaint, you need to reevaluate the speed of your life.

2. It's all just walking: False! For a film with "journey" in the title, we see relatively few scenes where all the characters are simply walking. In the three hours of film there is only one short montage of walking (meaning it's not a chase scene, conversation is taking place while traveling, or usual movement required in daily life), and it's designed mostly to show off the setting of the film (which is GORGEOUS). Just for reference, Alisa and I watched Elf yesterday and there was a traveling montage almost exactly equal in length with The Hobbits. But IT was in a movie that was an hour and a half which equates to a larger portion of the film, and it doesn't get any flack!!

3. It's to juvenile. I know you are, but what am I!?! Perhaps there is basis for this complaint since The Hobbit was written for a younger audience. Perhaps it's not its juvenile nature people have issues with. I think the issue is its lighter more fanciful tale. There are talking dragons, mountains that fight, dumb trolls that play with their food before they eat it... Moreover, the most gaping absence from this film and The Lord of the Rings is the inescapable impending doom. If the dwarfs fail, it's sad but life goes on. If Frodo or Aragorn had failed the world was pretty much over.

Critics have tried to mislead audiences into believing that one is adult and the other is child fantasy: The Lord of the Rings encompasses survival and adventure whereas The Hobbit is all about wonder, discovery and adventure. They forget the talking trees, singing elves, and magic ring from The Lord of the Rings and the fight to extinction in the Battle of the Five Armies from The Hobbit. Both have elements of the other. Both are spectacular for their own reasons and to diminish one using the other is to commit as gross sin. Don't fall into the trap of thinking dark is adult and light is childish. You just come off looking foolish.

That's not to say that I had no issues with the movie. I, for one, wasn't a fan of the Great Pale Orc (the one hunting down Thorin) big role. I don't mind having him mentioned in a back story, but I did have an issue with making him the main protagonist for what appears to be all three movies. But again that is just my opinion. Many fans out there may have enjoyed it and people unfamiliar with the book probably saw it as completely natural. It's sure as heck not enough to keep me from seeing it again and again ;)

Me on my way to see The Hobbit again!!

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Yesterday I spent far to much time watching the video blogs that Peter Jackson posted detailing what took place during the production period. I think you'll be amazed at how much attention and work went into these films. Enjoy!!

The Hobbit Blog!

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All right, I hate to darken a review of such a beautiful movie with something so low, but I just have to get this off my chest. Addressing so many of the criticisms leveled at The Hobbit has made me realize something. Scratch that, a year of writing my own reviews--culminating in this review--has made me realize something. Critics are morons! No, wait. Critics are really big morons. Movie review after movie review has turned that idea into truth for me.

I'm unsure if some of these critics are even capable of reading or if they just have secretaries they pay large sums to jot down their inept drawling non-sense. I read one review from a particularly verbose imbecile that claimed that Tolkien himself couldn't make a plot if his life depended on it. Thus the explanation for the stupidity of critics was provided. Most of them never got past a first grade reading level! Hence why most of them love awkward disjointed films, because then everyone else in the audience is just as confused as they are! So here's my advice to Mr. James Rocchi (pictured below): try reading a book with chapters before you give your opinions on a narrative.

"The plot arc of Dr. Seuss's ABC makes my head hurt!"

Perhaps Mr. Rocchi isn't aware--even though he writes for the publication where I found the information--that the most widely owned book (non-religious text) is... you got it, The Lord of the Rings. Not bad for a guy who "can't make a plot at gun point." It must be jealousy that Tolkien's greatest achievement is literature's greatest achievement. Whereas Mr. Rocchi's best work lines the bottom of bird cages. Where do you find these people!! I'm in utter shock that they are getting paid to write this drivel and worse yet that people actually read it! The saddest part of all this is the fact that I read Mr. Rocchi's review on a website that went on to call Twilight one of the greatest movies of the year!! Are you kidding me!? When did movie reviews start sounding like a conversation from the cheerleader squad at South Valley Middle School!?!

If you ever take my advice, let it be on this: never read the work of someone as foolish as Mr. Rocchi for their opinions. I know "Rotten Tomatoes" is a life line for some of you but let it go! In many cases they fail! And it is EPIC! The world deserves movies critics with a mere bit of intelligence, and we shouldn't accept pod scum in their place.

Ode To The Age Of Potter

I realize with great sadness that it is nonsensically to write a blog about The Hobbit when it's still a week away, so I must resort to something else. I don't know what it is about the Christmas season that makes me want to re-read the Harry Potter series, but it happens every year! Probably because I started reading them when I received the first three books as a Christmas gift. Prior to that, I hated the stupid things. I actually bought book one the day it first came out, but it was for a birthday gift to my best friend Chris who was smart and liked to read and I was a dumby. I then spent several years mocking people that were obsessed with it.

When I got it as a Christmas gift and was extremely hesitant to read it until two chapters later when I began looking into legally changing my name to Harry Potter. I have become a life long fan. It is a tradition that I will pass to my kids, and I hope they will pass to theirs. I love the story, the characters, the message, and the imagination that pours from them. I know this isn't a timely blog, but I have always wanted to express my gratitude for these books, and I guess it's better late than never. If there are any of you out there who have yet to read them, I have taken the liberty of composing The Harry Potter Guide for Dumb Dumbs that you may peruse at the end. If you have already read it once or a million times, you'll still enjoy it.

Praise of Potter
Making a universal classic is difficult. It has to be able to transcend culture, age, and genre. Harry Potter is enjoyable to the adult, teen and kid. It has received overwhelming acclaim in every nation it has been printed in. And it doesn't matter what genre you prefer: you'll find something in these books for you (unless you only enjoy dry, non-fiction). Ms. Rowling succeeds because of five key elements. Character development, plots that twist and turn, an expansive imagination, narratives that flow and connect, and a standard cliche of good vs. evil.

Characters:
If Ms. Rowling excels at only one thing, it is her ability to create a plethora of remarkable characters. You have some that fit every stereotype in the book, some that match perfectly with someone you know, and some that are so wild that you can't get them out of your mind. Whether it's Sirius Black, whom everyone thinks is an evil murder only to weep at his death two books later, or Barty Crouch Sr., whose depravity you only learn of after his sins have caught up with him, all are intriguing. Personally (some may disagree) I think that Severus Snape is the most compelling character in the history of literature. I don't remember ever having more mixed emotions, ever hearing a more beautifully tragic back story, or ever having more respect for a character after his courageous farewell. Snape is Rowling's Sistine Chapel.

Plot Twist:
 Admit it, at the end of almost every book there was a "Wait... WHAT!" moment  in your mind. In every book! 1. Quirrell is the bad guy; 2. Ginny Weasley is doing it; 3. Sirius ISN'T the bad guy, Lupin is a werewolf AND Scabbers is a dude; 4. Cup is a portkey and Moody isn't Moody; 5. The "weapon" is a prophecy; 6. Snape is actually the bad guy; 7. Snape isn't the bad guy after all, he just loved Lily and Harry has to die! Yet, when you re-read them you see the clues were in front of you the whole time! You were just to oblivious to see it coming. The books read like a mystery novel with more action and excitement.

Expansive Imagination:
 Have you ever be this ticked off that a book wasn't real life?! I sure haven't! I, for one, will never acknowledge a scientific breakthrough again until they give me a flying broomstick! Even then I'm still lacking my wand, my hippogriff, and my Room of Requirements! In my mind, after Snape, Ms. Rowling should be most proud of the world she created. It made people of every age want to believe in magic and made the world realize the wonder that exists in books. No one has done more for the imagination since Walt Disney!

Flowing Narrative:
 I suppose some of the biggest criticism comes from the reading level. I'll admit, it's no Victor Hugo. But maybe that is what makes it so universal. Kids can read it and feel anything is possible; adults read it and remember what made childhood so great. The complexity of the thoughts does not depend on the sentence structure here but what the reader is willing to find.

Furthermore the flow is helped by the fact that everything connects. The deluminator barely mentioned in the first book plays a key role in the seventh, Tom Riddle's diary isn't really explained until book six, and the locket from book five doesn't finish it's story til two books later. Everything is interconnected and has a purpose which makes each new reveled secret that much more exciting.

Good vs. Evil:
  If you have ever read this blog before, you will know that I am a HUGE sucker for classic good verses evil, and this story is a superior telling of that. It teaches us people's potential for good and bad and that labeling someone as such is a gross mistake. It teaches the importance of deciding between doing what is right and what is easy (probably my favorite quote ever). It teaches that we are never finished fighting evil. It teaches that we have a choice in that battle and that choice does make all the difference. And it teaches that there is some good in this world and it's worth fighting for. (LAY OFF! I'M REALLY EXCITED FOR THE HOBBIT!) I will never understand how some people shun this book because of "witchcraft" because it is a beautiful parable for the faithful Christian.

So say what you will, in my mind the Harry Potter series is THE classic of our age. Now go read it again ;)

And now, I humbly present...

The Harry Potter Guide for Dumb -Dumbs

Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone:

We meet boy.  Boy is orphan. Boy lives with aunt, uncle and tubby cousin. Boy lives in cupboard because apparently Child Protective Services doesn't exist in England. Boy's life is miserable, and we all feel depressed. Turns out boy is a wizard but we're not shocked because of all the magic-y stuff on the book cover. We learn that Boy's parents were killed by a evil wizard with name we can't say; I suspect it's because it induces a fit of the giggles. No-Named Bad Guy (Voldemort--Giggle theory confirmed) tried to kill Boy as a baby but ended up almost dead himself, making him the biggest failure in the history of bad guys. Boy is told he's going to wizard school. Boy is told all this by Giant Oaf with low self-esteem (Hagrid). Giant Oaf will be the cause of more trouble for Boy at wizard school than anyone else, but they remain buds.

At school Boy, meets Whinny Red Head boy (Ron) and cute, Nerdy Girl (Hermione). They become friends. There's an Old Powerful Wizard that would supposedly give Gandalf a run for his money (I have my doubts) that is in charge of the school (Dumbledore). Boy is hated by Gothic Teacher (Snape) and annoying Rich Boy with ego (Malfoy). Main Boy evidently inherited the ability-to-fly-on-broom-stick gene from his father. Boy learns to play sport on broomstick that is really popular (because apparently with the fast array of opportunity that magic opens up, the most creative thing wizards could invent was soccer on brooms).

We learn No-Named Bad Guy is still alive and is trying to come back to power. We learn there is a stone that could accomplish this very task but Old Powerful Wizard (who possesses stone) decides not to keep the stone on him at all times but to hide it behind an obstacle course that 11-year old kids can get pass with relative ease. Boy and Bad Guy meet up awkwardly at the the end of said obstacle course, but Bad Guy can't get the stone without Boy's help, making the entire previous obstacle course superfluous and giving the realization that everything is easier when we just don't do anything. Oh well, Boy wins, Bad Guy is sent packing and Boy and Powerful Wizard have a heart to heart. Audiences instantly crave more.

Wow, let's see if we can be briefer with the next books!

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets:

Author decides there aren't enough annoying characters in book so she introduces Obnoxious Elf (Dobby)
Obnoxious Elf warns Boy not to go back to school because of danger awaiting him and ends up nearly killing Boy several times to stop him from going back prevent aforementioned danger. For the first time in the series, audiences imagine brutally killing a character of the book. At school, Boy starts hearing voices. People start getting petrified (frozen in place) and I suspect Medusa is somehow involved. (Admit it, it would have been cooler with Medusa.) There's a new male teacher that acts like a twelve-year old girl, a tree that movies, but is not an Ent, and a flying car that somehow gains artificial intelligence.

The attacks start getting worse and people think it's Boy doing it because we learn he has the ability to talk to snakes and that makes you evil. Audiences realize they are morons because they don't piece together the snake talking thing with the hearing voices thing. Turns out it IS a giant snake that can kill by looking at you, but apparently students at this school are the luckiest victims in the history of violence. Boy tracks down the snake (without the aid of teachers who refuse to accept there is a monster even though this same thing happened fifty years earlier) and discovers that No-Named Bad Guy is behind it all. Using a diary, No-Named Bad Guy did some fancy magic that would allow his 17-year old self to come back to life. Yes, a diary, making Bad Guy not only the biggest failure but the most feminine. Boy kills snake and stops Bad Guy yet again.

Readers are now more addicted than most crack fiends.

Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban:

Audiences finally get some magical vengeance with Boy's aunt and uncle when Boy gets so mad at his uncle's obnoxious sister (one we'd like to meet in a dark alley ourselves) that he curses her and makes a run for it. Boy gets off scot-free though because Deadly Convict (Sirius Black) has escaped from the wizard prison and is hunting down Boy. Adults don't want to tell the boy this though because apparently being hunted by the scariest wizard of all time's side kick is more terrify than being hunted by the scariest wizard of all time Himself. New teacher shows up that was best friends with Boy's dad when they were kids but apparently that means nothing to New Teacher (Lupin) because he keeps a respectable distance from Boy most of the book. Turns out Deadly Convict was the guy who got Boy's parents murdered which was really naughty of him since they were best friends for, like, life.

Author once more tricks the world by reveling that Deadly Convict isn't a convict at all but is actually a loving Godfather. Actual convict was a rat hiding as Whiny Red Head's pet (Wormtail). This guy was the one who sold out Boy's parents and faked his own death and, because he has the ability to turn into a rat, hid that way for twelve years. Everything looks peachy for falsely convicted Godfather until New Teacher reveals he is a werewolf by turning into one and crashing the party. Rat dude escapes and Boy and Nerdy Girl have to do some fancy time travel (sans DeLorean) to save Godfather from being sent back to prison. Audiences once more picture brutally murdering a character, this time hateful gothic teacher who is strongly responsible for Godfather not being cleared and for 435 pages of unresolved conflict.

Readers are now dressing up as their favorite characters... for no reason other than the desire to.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire:

Soccer on broomsticks goes international as wizards have their own version of the World Cup. Lots of creepy mysterious stuff happens there that all point to No-Named Bad Guy. We learn that Wizard Government and schools create games for 17-year olds with obstacles that are more deadly than the obstacles designed to stop No-Named Bad Guy from getting a stone in the first book. Boy somehow gets involved in the games but after a minute of shock and awe no one seems to really be surprised by it. People seem even less suspicious when 14-year old Boy outperforms the top 17-year old students from three wizard schools.

Turns out the whole thing is a plot masterminded by No-Name Bad Guy to get Boy to touch one item that will transport away from the school (because of course there weren't a thousand opportunities to get Boy to touch an item that would transport him away WITHOUT the elaborate superfluous plan). So Boy gets transported to place where No-Name Bad Guy is waiting. He uses Boy to come back to full power and suddenly the reader starts regretting he ever bad mouthed Bad Guy; he's not a failure or feminine... Please don't hurt me. Luckily Boy escapes... again. However, guy in charge of Wizard Government doesn't accept Bad Guy is back, and readers start imaging brutally murdering him. The war begins.

Harry Potter becomes more popular than Abraham Lincoln.

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix:

Well, it's been a while since the author has given us a character that we want to brutally murder so she over compensates by giving us the worst of them all: Mere-Death-Isn't-Punishment-Enough Teacher. The author instantly transforms her readers from run of the mill killers to raving psychopathic murders. We'll call her Cat Teacher because, like a cat, she thinks she owns the place and everyone around wants to kick her. Cat Teacher is placed in school by Wizard Government to punish Old Powerful Wizard for saying No-Named Bad Guy is back. Main Boy starts being possessed by Bad Guy, and we finally realize this stopped being a kid's series a couple books back.

Bad Guy is after a prophecy that tells about how Boy is going to kill him if he doesn't kill Boy first. We discover this is why Bad Guy tried to kill Boy as a baby. FINALLY!! He's willing to abandon all his clever plans to get the details. Boy sets out to stop him but inadvertently almost gives him exactly what he wants. Luckily for Boy, full grown evil wizards are no match for a group of 15 kids. Sadly in the process, Godfather (whom Boy has grown very attached to) shows up to save Boy and dies. Readers cry but only shortly because they are too busy being blown away by the epicness of Powerful Head Wizard and No-Named Bad Guy finally battling it out. Readers are left with more answers to secrets but taken no further in the narrative.

Reading is now officially an activity that is cool for the first time since the fall of the Roman Empire.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince:

We finally learn that the reason Bad Guy didn't die when he tried to kill Boy: he split his soul in seven. (Readers are confused why we are supposed to be appalled by the fact that you have to kill to do this since we've wanted to kill at least 7 characters throughout the series.) Powerful Wizard and Boy use Bad Guy's biography to track down where these soul bits might be. They find one, but Powerful Wizard has to drink a potion that makes you whiny. Turns out it's a locket but not the one they need. (Thousands of readers think they are the only one to connect this locket to a locket mentioned in book five... you weren't.) Sadly in this weakened state, Powerful Wizard is killed by Hateful Gothic Teacher and the whole world pretends they don't know Gothic Teacher is still the good guy.

  Readers are finally rewarded as one of the most epic wizards battles ever is then described. And if any director ever chose to skip that in a movie they would go straight to the top of my death list. Watch your back, David Yates. Boy has to stop dating Whiny Red Head's sister after like two weeks, so he can hunt down Bad Guy soul pieces. Impending doom is foreshadowed!

People start offering their first born child to get early copies of the concluding book.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:

Pandemonium breaks out as No-Named Bad Guy overthrows the Wizard Government and pretty much controls the wizarding world. Boy goes into hiding with Red Head (whom we wouldn't be said to see die at any moment) and Nerdy Girl. They start destroying pieces of Bad Guy's soul. They find out that if they can get their hands on a invisibility cloak, a stone that brings spirits back to life, and the most powerful wand ever made they can be masters of death. They choose instead to just keep finding Bad Guy soul bits and lucky from them Powerful Wizard previously arranged for Boy to get all three items before he died.

Everything comes to an end at the Wizarding School when another epic battle commences. Lots of people die, we find out  Hateful Gothic Teacher was bitter because he never got busy with Boy's mom (but he's actually one of the coolest guys EVER), and Boy succeeds in killing all the soul bits right before he takes out Bad Guy. Everyone lives happily ever after, and readers wonder what they will do with their lives now that it's all over.

Popularity is so high J.K. Rowling could rule the world if she choose.

The End

Reason In The Holy Season

Christmas time! Oh, joyful month of December, how much sweet adolescent nostalgia you bring me! And yet the happiness this season brings seems to be diminishing year after year. I don't mean to dive so deep at the beginning of post designed for fun, but, well, get your scuba gear ready! Last year (and I'm sure there will be resurgence of it this year), I happened to see a meme on Facebook that caused me to pity an ever growing population of people. It was a picture of Linus during his famous "That's what Christmas is all about" speech from A Charlie Brown Christmas. But instead of his awe-inspiring words, they were replaced by a long soliloquy about how Christmas is a pagan holiday abounding with symbols that Christians stole.  Wow... the irony of the whole meme was overwhelming. 

First of all, let's address this stolen symbols and date idea. Let's come up with some other drastic oversimplifications of meaning based on chronology. First of all, when Americans put an Eagle symbol up they aren't being patriotic, they are actually showing their support for Charlemagne and the Roman Empire. That rainbow on the back of someone's car doesn't mean they are gay, it's actually their way of showing they have hope in the promises of God. (Funny that atheists don't attack the gay community when they steal a Jewish and Christian symbol ;)  February 14th isn't the day I feel particularly lovey-dovey, its the day I show love for Oregon by remembering that was the day it was admitted as a state. Oh, and I'm not showing gratitude for my mother on the second Sunday in May, I'm actually showing gratitude for the fact that Hernando De Soto discovered the Mississippi on the second Sunday of May in 1541. And for goodness sake, Pi isn't a number!! It's a Greek letter!!! You'd think that educated people would understand the concept of a symbol. It's meaning is entirely in the eye of the beholder. As such, it can mean different things. Come on, people, we learned this with Xenophilius Lovegood! He wasn't supporting Grindelwald!! He was proclaiming his belief in the Deathly Hallows!!

What I found most amusing about this meme is that the atheist author who came up with this used the one part of the show that condemns the worldly fixation on material symbols to condescendingly attempt to lecture people on what the symbols are supposed to mean. That's what Linus was saying! The Christmas tree doesn't matter! The presents don't matter! The star doesn't matter! The reds, the greens, the Santa's, the stockings, the wreaths, and, yes, the date doesn't MATTER! It's the moral of almost every stinking Christmas movie yet atheists can't seem to grasp that you can steal all the symbols (Grinch style) and change the day but Christians will keep worshiping their Savior and celebrating the day he came to redeem us all!

Sadly, though, this becomes an inadvertent lecture for some Christians out there to be better. We all need to remember that these symbols point to the reason, they aren't the reason themselves. Further, it's lovely to consider Christmas to be all about family or all about love, and while those are important things, that's not what Christmas is. It is a time to remember the greatest gift you have all been given. It's a time to remember a sacrifice that can never be repaid. It's a time to remember the eternal (evergreen) love of our Savior. It's a time to recognize that you are a child of God with unlimited potential for good and kindness and that though you have short-comings, Someone has already provided a way to fix those. Perhaps our symbols are mocked because the people who do the mocking can comprehend the beauty of their message. I feel deep sympathy and sadness for those who can't. But this Christmas I challenge you to remember. I challenge you to become what those symbols are inviting you to be. I challenge you to live Christmas, not just celebrate it.

OK, I am five paragraphs into this thing and I haven't reviewed single book or movie yet. I think that's acceptable though since we were reviewing the greatest story ever told. But now, The soap box is away, and we're ready for some lighthearted frivolity! I now present to you my humble list of the greatest Christmas movies of all time. There is a magic in these movies that I'm sure will but you in the Christmas mood. Grab a cozy blanket and some hot coco, turn off all the lights but the Christmas tree, snuggle up with the one you love and pop in one of these films and promise you a good night. Now than, I've been looking forward to this list for half a year now so let's not make me wait any longer. ;)

10. Miracle on 34th Street

This, of course, is referring to the original and should in no way be seen as an endorsement of the newer version where that guy that brought dinosaurs back to life is Santa. This is a feel good movie that takes you all the way from Thanksgiving to Christmas. Clearly some of you would put this a lot higher on the list but it gets a little too cheesy for me at points, so we'll keep it at #10.

9. Mickey's Christmas Carol /A Charlie Brown Christmas

We are going call this one a tie considering they used to play them back-to-back nights on TV when I was a kid. Naturally since I brought in Charlie Brown for the first part of this post it has to make the list. And Mickey must be on here as well since, well... HE'S MICKEY MOUSE! I watched both of these as a kid many times. In fact, it was a tradition and if we missed it could possibly ruin the whole Christmas season. Plus they both have beautiful Christmas messages.

8. Arthur Christmas

 

 I have already extolled this movie on my blog before. It made the top ten animated movies of all time and I still stick by that choice. Alisa and I re-watched it the other night (since it just came out on DVD) and I was still extremely touched by the message a year later. Every individual is important, every one! Plus, who isn't a fan of James McAvoy! If you are still unfamiliar with this film, change that this Christmas season!

7. Elf

I know, I know. For some of you this is the pinnacle of Christmas movies and you find it an insult to see it so low on the list. Well, neener-neener, this is my blog and as fun as this movie is it still feels like nails on a chalk board when I watch him eat the gum off the street and spaghetti with syrup... "Overall it feels like the color brown, your thoughts?" No denying it, though, this is a great Christmas movie for the whole family! Oh, and "Hey! I saw a dog today!!"

6. Home Alone

Realistically, as terrible as it would be, how many of us didn't think it would be cool if this experience happened to us?? Left alone on Christmas, house all to yourself, eating and doing whatever you want, saving the neighborhood from some really incompetent burglars... Now that would be a Christmas to remember! I would recommend it being the first time you use aftershave though. So go rent this flick and "keep the change ya filthy animal!" ;)

5. The Santa Clause

I remember seeing this movie for the first time in the movie theater. It was great because not only did I get to see an awesome movie, but I knew that since only my dad took us that meant my mom was using that distraction to go Christmas shopping! Win-win situation! I think I love everything about this movie... except Neil... no one really likes Neil.
P.S. Does anyone know where I can get that snow globe that Bernard keeps giving away?!

4. A Christmas Story

 "I want an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle." Actually, I don't think that was ever once something I wanted for Christmas but that sure won't stop me from answering that way anytime someone asks me what I want for Christmas from now on! I love this movie: the humor, the drama, the action... the Bumpus Hounds! I think Everest is going to be in need of one of a pink bunny onesie! Just don't shoot your eye out kid!

3. The Muppet's Christmas Carol

It is a true testament to how many incredible Christmas movies there are that a film this great comes in third! How can you not love a Muppet movie that stars Michael Caine!! The music is great, the humor is in equal balance with the touching message, and the retelling of a classic Christmas tale is top notch. You may be thinking that A Christmas Carol has been done way to much in cinema. And you'd be right, but this is obviously the only one you need to see.
 

2. How the Grinch Stole Christmas

How can you not love this movie?! The first time I saw this in theaters, I seriously thought I was going to die laughing... and I would have been OK with that! Sadly, there are a lot of people out there who don't see the genius of this movie. To them, I must warn that "if you you utter so much as one syllable I'll hunt you don't and GUT YOU LIKE A FISH! If you'd like to fax me press the star key." I really don't think I need to say anymore here because this movie speaks for itself! Thank you, Ron Howard, for making so many great movies!

1. It's A Wonderful Life

I'll just come out and say it: it upsets me when this movie is not at the top of every Christmas movie list. It's beyond phenomenal. Who hasn't watched this movie and thought "Yeah, everyone's life would stink if I had never been born!" One of the things I love most about this film is when George Baily makes a desperate plea to Heavenly Father; he doesn't get all his problems solved. Instead he is shown how much he has to be grateful for. What an incredible message! Alisa and I watched this last night and we'll probably watch it again before this Christmas season. And you should too!

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One more thing--Views have been a little on the decline recently, so I'm asking you guys for constructive feed back. I'd love your thoughts on what you'd like to see on here and what I could do better to make my blog more interesting. For now, the biggest thing I'm thinking of doing to trimming the length, but I'm open to opinions. Remember to keep it friendly ;) Thanks again for everyone that does read and  
Merry Christmas!!