An Iron Dude, A Green Guy, A Patriotic Man and a Norwegian walking into a bar...

I'll be honest, I have never read a comic book in my life. All I know about comic heroes are what I have seen in movies, Saturday morning cartoons, or from overly obsessed geek friends. This much I do know, Superhero's were meant to star in movies! A couple nights before the Avengers came out, I read a review that claimed that it was the Superhero movie to end all Superhero movies. This was a pretty tall order to me considering the fact that it faced three big problems: a) converging plot lines of movies I did like and ones I didn't, b) balancing comic book fiction with real-life plausibility, and c) living up to all the hype!

 

Did it succeed? I really think it did. Was it the movie to end all Superhero movies? No... and yes? Let's get started, class.

Converging Plots: Let me try to be brief:
Ironman 1 and 2: Loved them
 The Incredible Hulk: Way better than the first but still... it wasn't mind blowing
Captain America: Big fan, I've got the cards (Sorry, gotta watch the Avengers to get that one)
Thor: Really... am I the only one who wasn't a fan?!?

The truth is it takes a lot of skill to take this many loved heroes and throw them into one movie. I think I hated Thor because it seemed like if he's got all his powers, what can't the guy do theoretically, and since I'm a huge Ironman fan I would much rather seen Tony Stark kicking butt and taking names than the Norwegian homo (shout out to the Hancock fans). One of the biggest successes of the movie is that no matter who you are rooting for, you get your fill. Even better, since none of the heroes are team players at first, we get to see them rough each other up a little bit. Even though I'm a bigger fan of the "Man in the Suit" and the Captain, one of my favorite scenes was Thor versus the Hulk... sorry to give that away.

Not only that, but the plot line works. I would really suggests you see all the precursor movies because there are bits and pieces of them all in the Avengers. But even if you have missed one (like my wife) you'll still be able to bask in the glory. This leads to the second point of discussion.

Reality vs. Comic Fiction:
Another problem I had with Thor was that I felt they abandoned a formula that was really working for Superhero movies: try to make it realistic but throw in enough comic references to make the geeks snort into their popcorn while the rest of us are pleasantly confused. So how do you make a movie with a demigod hero and villain and a near indestructible... green thing realistic?! I don't have the answers, but the people who wrote the movie do because they scored big time here.

Naturally, there were a few scenes that made my cringe at the nerdiness washing over me, but they make up for that with complex discussions about things like nuclear deterrents mess with a heroes mind. The philosopher in me was pleased and the little kid that loved Saturday morning cartoons was fulfilled. Could Chris Nolan have done it better? Perhaps, but the comic fans may have lost something I really think this was the perfect balance.

And finally... Hype:
I think it goes with out saying that there was A LOT of hype with this movie. I mean, come on, I read an article that said it would be the end of all superhero movies!! I learned a long time ago that I have to control those expectations if I want to enjoy it. This is true of every movie, this one included. Did I love it? Yes, and was I expecting a lot? Yes. But I didn't get carried away! That's the key! ... Man, that's good. Life advice. I should needle point that on something...

The fight scenes were mind-blowing, the humor was hilarious and the plot compelling; you really have no right to be disappointed. But I wouldn't call it the end of all Superhero movies by any stretch of the imagination (especially with the Dark Knight Rises set to crap on the Avengers success). I could, however, see this being the end all for individual members of the Avengers. Where is the tension going to be in Ironman 3 if you realize Tony Stark can just call up Bruce Banner and say "Hey, I need you to come smash something real quick" ? The need for escalated tension will probably make this first Avengers movie the pinnacle for each plot line. In short, I'm scared they will ruin themselves trying to make a movie bigger than this one. But I won't lie... I'm excited for more!

  

Is Matt Damon Cooler than Jason Bourne

I have been meaning to read the Bourne Trilogy for the past... decade, I suppose, and I am kinda ashamed that it took me this long to get around to it. I suppose it's because I didn't want to start liking the book and hating the movie because with the exception of the Count of Monte Cristo the movie always stinks compared to the book. My guess is that there are a lot of people out there that are exactly like me in this sense: you loved the movies, maybe thought it would be a good idea to read the book sometime but just never got around to it... 

 

How do I know that? Because in the ten years since the movie came out no one has ever once mentioned THAT THE BOOK IS NOTHING LIKE THE MOVIE!!! Please do not be mistaken here when I say "nothing"... I'M NOT EXAGGERATING!! Seriously, I want to look up plagiarism cases here because someone wrote an awesome screenplay but stole the title for it from Robert Ludlum's book. Let me give you the two, I repeat, two things in common between the movie and the book. First, there is a character named Jason Bourne (OK, maybe I AM exaggerating here, there are a few names that are the same). Second, he gets amnesia and forgets he's an American agent. As far as everything else goes, prepare to have your mind blown. 

How Bourne is Different: 

OK, yes, the title of this blog is silly because no Matt Damon is NOT as cool as Jason Bourne. The question should be is the movie Jason Bourne cooler than the book Jason Bourne. The answer is an unquestionable YES. In the first hundred pages or so of the book, Bourne not only blackmails and robs a couple but he also holds a women hostage and slaps her around!! What the heck! That women happens to be Marie (same name as the girl in the movie but COMPLETELY different character). They end up falling in love? Yeah, you gotta read the book for that to make sense. But to the point, I really could not have cared less if Bourne had died in the first half of the book because I hated the guy. Whereas in the movie, he's a killing machine, but he's a NICE guy. Chalk one up for the movie

Furthermore, in the movie Bourne is unstoppable. Alisa and I watched the movie last night, and seriously the guy doesn't make any mistakes. In the book, however, Bourne gets manhandled left and right and is outsmarted a couple times. In the end, he doesn't kill the bad guy; he passes out from loss of blood because the bad guys beats him. Sorry Ludlum, we Americans like our secret agents to kick butt and take names. The movie Bourne would make the book Bourne pee his pants. 

How the Plot is Different:

(Spoiler Alert, don't read this if you plan to read the book and want to be surprised)

In the movie, the plot revolves around an American agent that does high security assassinations. When he doesn't have the heart to kill one of his hits, he gets shot, loses his memory, and wanders around Europe trying to find out who he is while other American agents try and kill him. He meets a girl, kicks the crap out of the other assassins, and single-handedly brings down the whole organization of questionable legality. 

Don't look for that in the book. In the first book you don't actually find out what Jason was doing when he gets shot (in the head, which in fairness to the book credits the amnesia, while in movie... Well, I really didn't see any reason for him to lose his memory from two shots in the back). The most important part of the plot in the book is a guy named Carlos (don't look for that name in the movie, IT AIN'T THERE!). Carlos is a terrorist assassin who is killing political people at random and has a huge network set up in Europe.

Bourne at first thinks he is Carlos because he can remember tons of facts about Carlos. Then he finds out about another guy named Cain (there is a call out to Cain in the movie, it's one of Jason's aliases, but it's spelled Kane). Cain is a revival assassin to Carlos that is cutting in on his business. We find out that Bourne is Cain and for three/fourths you think he really is a bad guy. Then you find out Cain is a fake, the US government made him up in order to track down Carlos (Jason's job is to find, and stop Carlos). In the end, Carlos wins because he tricks the US into thinking Bourne killed the leaders of Treadstone (which Carlos actually did). In all the confusion, Bourne and Carlos fight, Bourne gets injured and passes out from lack of blood and Carlos gets away.

So is the book worth reading?

To be honest, I only liked the last two hundred pages of the book. Before that, like I said, I didn't like the characters and was upset it wasn't as cool as the movie. If you haven't seen the movie, or if you can disassociate the book from the movie, you'll probably really enjoy it. The book really does keep you guessing and is capable of keeping it's secrets til the end which is a mark of a good author I feel.

I don't think it is any coincidence that Ludlum died a year BEFORE the movie came out. It really is like comparing apples and oranges here. The book better illustrates the amnesia aspects. Yet, the movie is better because, well, Jason Bourne is freaking awesome. I think I'll stick with the movies on this one. It's rare I get to say that.

Chick Flicks to Compromise On

I'm dedicating this post to my wife. Tomorrow is our two year anniversary (Aww...). I think it's quite clear that growing up movies were kinda a big deal to me. They were both a way to relax and unwind while also inspire and encourage. I always thought I'd marry someone that was just as big a movie buff as me... thank GOODNESS I didn't!! But let's face it people, in most relationships today your gonna watch movies together... a lot. So the key is compromise! Guys, if you can't learn to sit through a chick flick or two, love is gonna be a hard experience for ya. And ladies, you have to understand that some chick flicks have to be reserved for the ladies night out... they're just too sappy!

That is where this list comes in. This is a list of chick flicks that I actually enjoy watching with my wife (Guys, it's nice to have at least ten so you aren't watching Pride and Prejudice every Friday night. Options, brethren! It's all about the options!) So, if you gentlemen are looking to score points with your lovely sometime soon, suggest one of these. Or ladies, if you just can't take any more trips through middle earth, ask to watch one of these and tell your man you hear guys actually like it ;) Good luck!

1. Hitch: This one it kinda easy cause it's just as much comedy as it is a chick flick. Guys can watch it and think, "Man, I've got all those skills, I should be getting paid to teach them to hopeless guys!" Ladies can watch and think, "My goodness, love really can solve all problems and follows no rules!" Can I just say that I love the part when Will Smith is behind the door while Kevin James is talking to the girl, and she asks for a pen and Will slips it into his jacket... I die laughing every time!

2. Return to Me: Guys, I'm appealing to your heart on this one. I'm guessing if you're in a healthy relationship then you understand the connection you feel with the person you love and how gut wrenching it would be to lose her unexpectedly. Being willing to risk it all again would be rough. This movie is a must see for the sensitive man. I'm not afraid to admit it... I cried like a baby the first two or three times I watched. 

3. P.S. I Love You: My lovely wife introduced me to this one. What makes it great is that it is definitely not your typical love story. I was pleasantly surprised at the twist on traditional love stories.  It's got just the right amount humor to keep the guys watching. Ladies, if you still have a hard time convincing your guy, tell him they talk like Braveheart through a lot of the movie. Gets 'em every time!

4. No Reservations: This movie has the same effect as Ratatouille on me. Every time I watch it, I want to cook something. So if your guy likes to cook (I know, not that common) this is the chick flick for you. However, if you guy likes to EAT! this movie is also for you. It's a win-win. Bring snacks!

5. You've Got Mail: This is another of my wife's favorite that I love too. It's the perfect love story for the modern social network age. Trust me guys, they quote The God Father in here quite a bit. Ladies, it's probably best you just tell your guys this is the sequel to Joe vs. The Volcano if they're reluctant ;)

6. Life As We Know It: Ladies love it for the baby, guys love it cause Josh Duhamel's character has their dream job. This is a really fun movie that I can't recommend enough. Love, humor, sports... good pick-up lines... but I guess you don't need those if your already in a healthy relationship.

7. One Fine Day: This one will take a special kind of guy to convince because it is more like the typical chick flick. Still, George Clooney is a stud in the movie. Trust me guys you are winning MAJOR brownie points with the lady if you watch this one with them and it's better then Jane Austen. 

8. 500 Days of Summer/ He's Just Not That into You: This is a twofer because I believe anyone who wants to have an understanding of mature relationships in our age needs to watch these movies. Not only are they funny and filmed incredibly, but they also teach you things like don't take continual crap from someone who claims to love you... and don't listen to bad advice just because your best friend's mother's aunt's dog said it worked from them once. 

Well, if all else fails, here are your fail safes.

9. The Princess Bride/ Stardust: COME ON! The Princess Bride!! How can you not love that movie. It's not just a chick flick, it's a comedy! It's action! It's drama! It's "MAWWAGE that bwings us togeva today!" No discussion needed there. For me, if you like Princess Bride, you'll also like Stardust; they have the same elements just with a less classic feel. If you can't compromise with these... you may need counseling...

10. Any Disney Classic: If all else fails, this is really all you got left. Disney! And let's face it, this is a great last resort! You can choose Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast. I'd recommend Tangled because, man, I wish I was as cool as Flynn Rider... You're probably not willing to call them chick flicks but they sure are love stories! If you can't agree on these, unless your married, I suggest you go your separate ways!

Well, there you have it people. Love is an incredible thing, especially when your lucky enough to be married to someone as amazing as my wife is. Why not watch one of these movies and bask in how much better it is in real life than on film!

For all you guys, don't worry! Next week I'll have a list of movies that the ladies need to watch with you if they really wanna call it fair. Happy compromising!

An Easter Gift: Another Testament of Jesus Christ

I am above all else, a follower of Jesus Christ. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ and know that God has a plan of happiness for me. I know! Those are some bold statements to start out a blog with, especially one that's all about books and movies. But when you boil it down, books and movies are just stories, and I love stories because they help me better understand the philosophy and theology of life. Whether it's a story that shows me why God's principles will make me happy or why ignoring them leads to unhappiness, there are truths that are eternal no matter how much fiction you garnish it with.

The world is moving away from these ideas. It seems to be that faith and belief are no longer things to be admired but rather, out-dated and unsophisticated ideas. Let me just say this and no matter what you say nothing will convince me otherwise. EVERYONE HAS FAITH IN SOMETHING. Yeah I said it. Everyone!  Because nothing in this world can convince you beyond a shadow of a doubt that something is an absolute fact. So you can place your complete trust in God, science, or just an simply an idea; none of it matters if you don't have faith in the source.

So today, in honor of my Savior, I'm going to make the most important reading suggestion of all. I've read the New Testament three of four times straight through and the Gospels four or five more times. I'm ashamed to saying I'm only now working on my second time through the Old Testament. If you haven't read the Bible once, change that! But there is another Testament of Jesus Christ. To be honest I have lost count of how many times I've read it. 

Most people reading this are probably Latter-Day Saint, some of you aren't either way everyone should read The Book of Mormon. I don't care what you've heard about it because you've learned from the age of 4 not to judge a book by its cover. My faith in Jesus Christ as come from this book. My faith in a loving Heavenly Father has come from this book. My faith in what I have to do to return to live with them someday comes from THIS BOOK. I consider myself well read, and I have NEVER read its equal.

But like I said. It all comes down to faith. Without faith it'll just be a compelling 500 page EPIC story. With faith, it has the power to change your life. Ya know its like gravity, I can choose all I want to not believe in gravity, but that wont stop the bruises when you choose to ignore it. You can choose to ignore wise counsel from a loving Heavenly Father, but it wont stop the pain you could avoid. I testify that God lives, that he has a plan for you. I testify, that Jesus Christ is His Son, the Savior and Redeemer of the world. And I testify that both the Bible and the Book of Mormons are their words to us. You've learned to read, you've read to learn, now read to believe.

One more thing! LDS or not. Another great book is Jesus the Christ by James E. Talmage. Its a must read for anyone that wants deep insights into the mortal ministry of Christ and his teachings from the four Gospels. I give it 5 stars!

How Hunger Games Won Me...over

I, like you, cringe every time I hear that someone if going to make a movie out of a popular book. Let's face it, not everyone can be Peter Jackson. With Hunger Games I was even more apprehensive then usual.  I liked the first book a lot but… a movie? Lucky for us this movie was done oh-so-right, in fact, I’m going to venture to say I liked it just as much as I liked the book. I’m guessing most people already know the plot so this will just be my thoughts about how the movie excelled and a few things that could have made it better. Feel free to add your insights.

First, the movie won big the minute it cast Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss. Man, that girl can act. I don’t know if it was good direction or just natural skill, but there were a few scenes where I literally said "wow" in my head. For instance, (1) when the reaping is taking place and Gale and Katniss were mouthing back and forth, (2) when the first kills are announced and Katniss is counting to herself, or (3) when she finally gets medication for her burn. These were all scenes that made Katniss a real person to me. Of course, the rest of casting surprised me too. Woody Harrelson was a great Haymitch, Elizabeth Banks was just how I pictured Effie, and Lenny Kravitz was… well, he was acceptable as Cinna.

Second, the feel of the movie made me nostalgic in a way I had no right to feel. The cinematography was great, the scenery was spot on, and the special effects were seamless. But can I just say the camera work was beyond amazing. The parts that wowed me the most were the first person shots. Seeing things for a person in the movies perspective is usually cheesy to me. But that wasn’t the case here. It worked perfectly to see Katniss’s perspective when she walks up the stairs after volunteering, and it kept things PG-13 to see her view at the start of the killings. My favorite though was Rue’s death. Man, that was powerful! I wasn’t expecting to feel peaceful in this movie but that was one of the most beautiful shots I’ve ever seen.

Third, I love that they didn’t just come out and show you the back stories about her father dying and Peeta giving her the bread. Instead, they were original and showed it in quick fading glimpses that require a thought process to put it together. This way people who haven’t read the books can work out what happened, and people who have don’t need to lose time being reminded of things they already know. I applaud that!

Fourth, since Hunger Games is written in first person there is a lot going on the reader is denied. So, it was really great for people who have read the books to see Haymitch working behind the scenes, or the gamers creating the scenarios, or Gale back home getting jealous while watching. Plus, it allowed a creative way to introduce people to things like Tracker-Jackers without being cheesy.

However, I did feel that sometimes they wasted screen time with the game makers. That is one of the few things I would have changed. The short glimpses are great, but we don’t need to see a long scene about the mutts getting made. That’s another thing! The mutts were supposed to resemble the people who had died already. Next time spend less time on the guys in weird white outfits and more on the creepy mutations! Thanks!

No movie can follow the book perfectly, but they went off with two things that drove me nuts! First of all when Rue dies, District Ten sends Katniss a loaf of bread out of respect, but in the movie they riot instead. I know, not a big deal since they do that in the second book, but that was such a tender part of the book and foreshadows the districts uniting. Oh well, not a big deal

I was more annoyed by something even smaller. In the book, when they announce both tributes from a district can win Katniss YELLS out Peeta’s name. In the movie she just whispers it and runs off. Why is that a big deal to me? Because it's so dramatic! Rule number one when people are trying to find and kill you is don’t yell!! But Katniss was so overwhelmed by the information that she and Peeta could get out together she can’t control her emotions. It's epic! But sadly missed.

Finally, I appreciate trying to give Donald Sutherland screen time sufficient to his star power, but to me the meetings between Seneca Crane and him were totally unneeded. Plus, I hated the whole speech about giving people hope by letting one person win… No, no, the reason they let one person win is because it's propaganda! Keep the mindless masses of Capital focused on the games and President Snow can do whatever he wants. One of the things I respected most about the The Hunger Games books was the importance of media and propaganda and that message was thrown away with the ridiculous “hope schpeel.”

Overall, it got things right way WAY more than it needed improving. I regret not putting this on my top ten list at the start of the year. But it will be on the top ten at the end of the year. Go see it!



For fans of the book here is my long opinion of the books. Don’t bother reading if you didn’t like the movie or don’t know how it all ends.

I’m really not one to join in the hype. I hated Harry Potter when it first came out and I hated myself more when I actually read the first book and loved it. So, as a college student, when Alisa first told me about this new series that everyone was raving about called The Hunger Games, I was skeptical, but I try not to criticize until I actually know what I’m talking about. Trying to get a hold of the book made it even worse. A three month wait at a college library for a young adult novel… really? After six months of being unable to get my hands on the book with mild effort I bought the thing for $6 at Wal-Mart and prayed it would be worth my money. Lucky for me I was actually entertained by it. Greatest book ever? Not at all, but that Suzanne Collins sure knows how to get a reader invested fast.  I got the second book at the library (no waiting list at all… weird) and was only half as entertained as I was by the first. By the time I finished the third I wanted to burn the dumb thing and donate the ashes for kitty litter.

Here’s my beef with the books:

First, it seems odd to me that Collins' message seems largely to be about societies obsession with violence and she points this out--by creating a book to entertain readers--all about violence.  Let's be honest, you didn’t read those books to receive deep philosophical insights. You wanted a good, entertaining fluff piece. You kept turning the pages because you had to know who was going to die next and how. Anyone else see how her message gets lost? Don’t try to warn us about violence obsession by giving people violence that people are obsessed with.

Second: WHAT THE CRAP HAPPENED TO KATNISS THROUGH THE BOOKS? In the first book, she’s the type of girl that I’m guessing most girls want to be like: brave, tenacious, intelligent, independent, and, most of all, emotionally strong even if she is a little hard around the edges. It seems quite clear that her life has made her that way. Losing your father, having your mom turn into a vegetable in essence and having to provide for her and your starving baby sister makes you grow up pretty fast.  But she does it! She was a STRONG character because of tragedy. Then she goes to the Hunger Games and handles it like a pro… no seriously, like she owned those games.

Yet THEN somewhere between the middle of the second book and the end of the third she has transformed into a whimpering little girl, in essence, incapable of sustaining her own life… WHAT!?! Why? Because she had to go to the Hunger Games twice? Or because she saw so much suffering in the games and as a result of the revolution? Or because she almost dies so many times? No, after all she goes through her slip into psycho depression is much simpler.

Most of the third book it's because (drum role please) she’s worried about her boyfriend! No wait, she’s not even sure she loves this guy, but the fact that he’s suffering at the hands of the Capital is apparently way harder for her then watching her own sister starve to death slowly and painfully.  Then when he’s brainwashed to want to kill her it’s just more than she can bear… even though twice she’s been in a situation where 23 other people depended on her death so that they could live (oh, and the fake boyfriend was there both times).

Most of you are probably angrily yelling that it’s the death of Prim that finally sets her overboard, but this just brings up a whole bunch more stuff to mock:
 

A. Wasn’t Katniss’ group the super advanced, vanguard team that was supposed to go in first because they needed to catch Snow before he ran away and the main army was taking to long… Yet, when they finally get to the center of the Capital… the main army is already there, in fact, little girls (like her sister) were able to get their first. WHAT!?! This super advanced Capital, capable of suppressing 13 districts, of creating high tech killing arenas that launch fire balls at people, and of creating super  mutations like tracker jackers to do their killing for them… can’t stop a bunch of little girls from reaching their front steps!!! What the freak just happened?
 

B. Why the heck was Prim really there? If it was to draw more Capital people out like Gale's plan suggested why was that needed since they'd already taken the city? If it was to make Katniss go crazy, how could Coin possibly know that would work and how could she not realize you don’t piss off a crazy chick with mad bow and arrow skills?
 

C. That’s what you get for failing to teach your sister to avoid running into the middle of a war zone.

D.  I don’t buy it. Death has been this girls whole life; if she wasn’t expecting that either her sister or mom could die in the war she was a bigger idiot then I thought. Mostly, it just isn’t her character. Death of a family member made her the strong person she was in the first book, but then we’re told that the death of a family member is the one thing she couldn’t take. Load of crap if you ask me.

Third, and finally, the second point brings me to my biggest concern. What is going on with what our society chooses to entertain itself with! I don’t understand how SO many people LOVED reading about a girl that becomes so emotionally weak that she acts like a catatonic. What happened to the heroes that had struggles and tragedies but overcame them to be stronger people? Katniss was that hero in the first book, but that character died on the last page of that book. 

Now instead, we enjoy reading about depression, we enjoy reading about pain that can’t be fixed, we enjoy reading about wallowing in self-pity. Is that what drama is today? What I think is really going on is a rejection of hope. That’s what Mocking Jay was to me, the first of many books that will advocate despair and reject hope as non-realistic and sappy. Well, I for one still believe in happy endings, so I’ll stick with book one and leave book three to everyone that wants a good pity party.

The Greatest Book Your Never Going To Read

This is a friendly reminder this thing isn't all about movies. I love books, and I especially love the classics. But sometimes it feels like I'm a dying bred. I also feel that most of the popular books of today are just fluff. Don't get me wrong I like a good fluff piece but when someone tells me their favorite book is Twilight I feel genuine pity for that person.

This brings me to one of the greatest book you are NEVER going to read. Not because you can't or you shouldn't (actually your life will be ten times better if you do) but because most people today feel like a book with substance is just boring. This book you've probably never read is amazing!! But chances are your going to ignore it and miss out. Here's hoping I can change your mind. 

The reason I want to bring it to your attention is because this book started the genre that was a MAJOR source of popular sensationalism recently and yet was basically ignored by the general public. Twilight will rarely be mentioned in this blog but its here now because it like Blade, the Vampire Diaries, True Blood and Underworld and countless others are poor rip-offs of the greatest book your never gonna read. We would have none of those if Bram Stoker never gave us Dracula. It's an amazing gift people, and we've crapped all over the legacy.

Here's what your missing. The story starts with Jonathan Harker who is going to Transylvania to help a mysterious Count buy land in England and arrange for his move there. Yes, you know its Dracula, I know its Dracula but for 4 chapters Harker has no idea and the tension could be cut with a knife. We are left for a long time unaware if Harker escapes or dies but one thing is clear Dracula is coming to England. 

Next we are introduced to Harker's love interest Mina. Mina's best friend is Lucy. Ok all you Twihards who marvel at Stephanie Meyers "genius" I now introduce you to the REAL Bella. Lucy is a gorgeous woman who not only captures the attention of wealth Lord by the name of Arthur, and a Doctor by the name of John Seward but also, you guessed it the King of all vampires himself who wants Lucy to be one of his brides... sound familiar? Lucky for us neither Arthur or Seward have to rip their shirts off every ten seconds. Than, straight from Meyers plagiarism handbook, Lucy gets turned into a vampire. The difference? Bram Stoker realized vampires were supposed to be the bad guys. We seem to forget that fact.

Seward enlists a friend, Van Helsing (no he doesn't look anything like Wolverine, he's actually really old) to treat Lucy (before she becomes a vampire) because he can't explain the strange loss of blood that Lucy keeps having. Its Van Helsing that puts its together that its Dracula, but he takes his sweet time as we all bite our nails in anticipation. Its an amazing love story.... which is where I may lose the guys. To keep you around I'll let you know that Van Helsing than leads Arthur and Seward to cut off the head of Lucy and stick a stake through her heart. 

Why? Because in the real myths about vampires they didn't just suck blood and glitter in the sun, once they bite you, you belonged to Dracula. Once Seward and Arthur see their sweet innocent Lucy as a evil vindictive vampire they think only of redeeming her by killing the influence of the undead over her. NOW THAT IS WRITING PEOPLE!! After all that, Dracula sets his sights on Mina and the real drama begins.

 Just to warn you its all written as if from the characters journals and newspaper clippings to make it more authentic and its works! Also there is some old English cockney that may be hard to read. Just read it out loud and you'll be fine. Its an amazing story about love, honor, virtue and the battle of good and evil and. Wanna know how it ends? READ THE BOOK! You wont regret it. But like I said it is the greatest book you'll never read... or will you?

Need more proof? Sample this Stoker genius written about Mina "'She is one of God's women, fashioned by His own hand to show us men and other women that there is a heaven where we can enter, and that its light can be here on earth. So true, so sweet, so noble, so little an egoist - and that, let me tell you, is much in this age, so skeptical and selfish.'" Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Stephanie!

My Redtail Recompense

When I was a kid my dad was really into bird watching, no really bird watching. So I got him a bird watching video for Christmas when I was like 12 more as a joke but he loved it. The video was 30 minutes of, no not birds, but a guy from the 70's watching birds... and talking about it.

I owe anyone who reads this blog an apology. At the beginning of the year I recommended that people go see the movie Redtails. To be honest I would rather watch my dad's bird watching video on a loop for 24 hours rather then see this excuse for a movie ever again. I'll try to keep it as brief as possible to get my point across. The acting was terrible. I was hoping that Terrance Howard and Cuba Gooding would be able to carry it but while Howard is a great actor he's only got about 3 mins of airtime and Cuba is only seen putting a pipe in in his mouth over and over again. The rest of the acting was disgusting. To make it worse the voice-overs were ATROCIOUS!

Other than that; the plot: none, the score: terrible, the love story: straight out of screenwriting for dumb-dumbs, the action: WHERE WAS IT! AERIAL BATTLES SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR SAVING GRACE LUCAS!!, the drama: tried so hard... failed so bad, and when the main character died in the end I almost stood up and cheered. This movie was a disgrace to the Tuskegee Airman.

By way of apology I'd like to recommend an outstanding movie that sadly I underestimated. Introducing The Adventures of Tintin. 

I, like most of you probably, hadn't heard of Tintin before this. Man this movie reminded me how great Steven Spielberg can be. I dismissed it thinking it would be a cheesy kids movie but after giving it a chance I enjoyed every minute of it. This movie was like an animated version of Indiana Jones (old school, no Crystal Skull crap) but instead of a smooth fedora-wearing professor the main character is a baby-faced reporter with a white pooch side-kick (no worse than the blonde from Temple of Doom) If for nothing else rent this movie for the animation. Several times my wife and I mentioned how characters looked like real people. Not to mention John Williams made another epic soundtrack here. For a dollar at redbox I don't think you have much to lose here. It's exciting, entertaining, compelling and, for lack of better word, its just dang cool. Go check out Tintin today! Oh, and avoid Redtails like you would a Birdwatching tutorial.