The Greatest Book Your Never Going To Read

This is a friendly reminder this thing isn't all about movies. I love books, and I especially love the classics. But sometimes it feels like I'm a dying bred. I also feel that most of the popular books of today are just fluff. Don't get me wrong I like a good fluff piece but when someone tells me their favorite book is Twilight I feel genuine pity for that person.

This brings me to one of the greatest book you are NEVER going to read. Not because you can't or you shouldn't (actually your life will be ten times better if you do) but because most people today feel like a book with substance is just boring. This book you've probably never read is amazing!! But chances are your going to ignore it and miss out. Here's hoping I can change your mind. 

The reason I want to bring it to your attention is because this book started the genre that was a MAJOR source of popular sensationalism recently and yet was basically ignored by the general public. Twilight will rarely be mentioned in this blog but its here now because it like Blade, the Vampire Diaries, True Blood and Underworld and countless others are poor rip-offs of the greatest book your never gonna read. We would have none of those if Bram Stoker never gave us Dracula. It's an amazing gift people, and we've crapped all over the legacy.

Here's what your missing. The story starts with Jonathan Harker who is going to Transylvania to help a mysterious Count buy land in England and arrange for his move there. Yes, you know its Dracula, I know its Dracula but for 4 chapters Harker has no idea and the tension could be cut with a knife. We are left for a long time unaware if Harker escapes or dies but one thing is clear Dracula is coming to England. 

Next we are introduced to Harker's love interest Mina. Mina's best friend is Lucy. Ok all you Twihards who marvel at Stephanie Meyers "genius" I now introduce you to the REAL Bella. Lucy is a gorgeous woman who not only captures the attention of wealth Lord by the name of Arthur, and a Doctor by the name of John Seward but also, you guessed it the King of all vampires himself who wants Lucy to be one of his brides... sound familiar? Lucky for us neither Arthur or Seward have to rip their shirts off every ten seconds. Than, straight from Meyers plagiarism handbook, Lucy gets turned into a vampire. The difference? Bram Stoker realized vampires were supposed to be the bad guys. We seem to forget that fact.

Seward enlists a friend, Van Helsing (no he doesn't look anything like Wolverine, he's actually really old) to treat Lucy (before she becomes a vampire) because he can't explain the strange loss of blood that Lucy keeps having. Its Van Helsing that puts its together that its Dracula, but he takes his sweet time as we all bite our nails in anticipation. Its an amazing love story.... which is where I may lose the guys. To keep you around I'll let you know that Van Helsing than leads Arthur and Seward to cut off the head of Lucy and stick a stake through her heart. 

Why? Because in the real myths about vampires they didn't just suck blood and glitter in the sun, once they bite you, you belonged to Dracula. Once Seward and Arthur see their sweet innocent Lucy as a evil vindictive vampire they think only of redeeming her by killing the influence of the undead over her. NOW THAT IS WRITING PEOPLE!! After all that, Dracula sets his sights on Mina and the real drama begins.

 Just to warn you its all written as if from the characters journals and newspaper clippings to make it more authentic and its works! Also there is some old English cockney that may be hard to read. Just read it out loud and you'll be fine. Its an amazing story about love, honor, virtue and the battle of good and evil and. Wanna know how it ends? READ THE BOOK! You wont regret it. But like I said it is the greatest book you'll never read... or will you?

Need more proof? Sample this Stoker genius written about Mina "'She is one of God's women, fashioned by His own hand to show us men and other women that there is a heaven where we can enter, and that its light can be here on earth. So true, so sweet, so noble, so little an egoist - and that, let me tell you, is much in this age, so skeptical and selfish.'" Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Stephanie!