The Potential of a Crimson Cube

First off, I want to thank everyone because this week marked my 1000 views mark. I know that's not a lot, but, hey, it feels good to me nonetheless. This blog is my way of showing appreciation. Sadly, we are leaving the summer Blockbuster season, and there really aren't many movies to look forward to until October...ish. Luckily there are plenty of movies out there to rent for cheap. Below is a list of ten movies that are currently at Redbox that I have seen. Yes, its a daunting task and you may think yourself,  "Carl, you watch way to many movies." Regardless, I do it all for you. (Disclaimer: this is not a true statement. Carl does in fact do most of this for himself. And, yes, he just spoke in third person... and liked it.) So below is my review of the movies and the chances I give that you'll actually like them. Enjoy!

Lockout

Chance you'll like it: 20%

Guy Pierce has nothing but my deepest respects, but unfortunately he has every ounce of my pity. How can such and incredible actor kept getting landed with the crappy roles. I was willing to like The Time Machine (Yes, it's a guilty pleasure from my teenage years; don't hate!) just for him, but liking this one was to much to ask. Granted, it had a lot of potential, but that may make it an even bigger disappointment. The film was predictable, hokey, rushed, and (at best) just plain fake. I can't say that I hated it, but I'm still a long way from liking it.

Chronicle 

Chance you'll like it: 60%
For all my loyal fans, ("...anyone... Bueller?") you'll remember that I actually put this one on my top ten movies to see this year list. To be honest, I'm actually baffled by this film. On the one hand, I thought it was brilliant, smart, and haunting. On the other, I thought it was dark, creepy, and well... haunting! If you don't like the shaky cam Blair Witch/Cloverfield, do yourself a favor and avoid this one. I, for one, love the way it makes a movie into a first person narrative. You never get that! The plot is beyond its predecessors though. This is what living a life with super powers would actually be like. There were several times that I thought to myself, for a  lack of better words, "That is stinking cool." It is not an easy movie to watch. The main character is not a hero and his spiral downwards is pitiful and gut-wrenching to watch. It's actually a hard message about what revenge will really do to a person. Overall, I have to give you lower expectations because of the camera work and the general icky feeling you'll have afterwards.

Wrath of the Titans

Chance you'll like it: 20% 

Wow. Why did we think we needed another one of these because they need one million punches to the face. You know it's got to be bad when the superior talents of Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes aren't enough to redeem it. I'll conceded that it was better than the first... but so was a VHS of Timmy the Tooth my brother got as a joke when I was a kid. This take on Greek mythology is just plain weird. I'm confused how Perseus is still considered human if he can break through stone walls (Yes, several) and not have a scratch on him. There is a maze that had merit, but unfortunately they cut away just when it could have got interesting. If every once and a while you need a good corn piece like I do, feel free to rent it. If not, for the love of all holy things, stay away!

John Carter

Chance you'll like it: 65%
As I mentioned above, sometimes when my wife has to work on Saturdays I get an inexplicable desire to watch a truly terrible movie that I know she would make me turn off if she was there. I rented this one with the expectation of filling that desire. Sadly, I was disappointed. All things considered I thought this was a pretty average action flick, and it even had a cool twist at the end. Yes, there were cheesy lines, blatant exaggerations in gravity differences, and a few minor pitfalls in the plot, but that pretty much sums up all science fiction, doesn't it? So, it may be a misplaced affection for Disney action films or my low expectations going it, but I think there is a chance you might like this one. Just make pretend that your about to watch Wrath of the Titans when you pop the DVD in and you're sure to love it! ;)

This Means War

Chance you'll like it: 45%

Oh, how were you not better? Tom Hardy and Chris Pine both did a great job in this film, and it still wasn't very good. The action is cliche while the plot was cheap and predictable. The only small saving graces were, as I said, Tom Hardy and Chris Pine. They had a surprisingly good chemistry with memorable humor. However, that is lost on Reese Witherspoon's character (who seems to change in every scene) and the most obnoxiously annoying best friend everyone. No, seriously, the best friend, played by Chelsey Handler, is so irritating that I'm pretty sure the violence rate in every home that experiences this movie is likely to go up. In another life, where we are free of that woman, perhaps this movie could have been good. As it stands, it's a mediocre movie you might want to save as a last resort.

The Artist

Chance you'll like it: 80%
It actually hurts me to give this a rating that low. I do so for two reasons: a) It's a black and white film, and b) it's a silent film. Some people may not be able to appreciate the brilliance of the film because they have to read some dialogue, but I'm hoping that's limited to only a few people. The acting is spot on, the plot is incredibly engaging, and the overall direction of the film is a spectacular experience. Imagine a more dramatic, symbolic version of Singing in the Rain. The film is so touching that I even started to feel bad that we ever switched from silent films to "talkies." It truly is a beautiful movie with the right amount of romance, humor, and music.

Mirror Mirror

Chance you'll like it: 70%
I know I already wrote about this last week, but, man, I still can't get over how impressed I was by this film. Alisa and I have since recommended it to her family and the responses have been good, so my hopes that you will enjoy it are ever increasing. I'll try to avoid beating a dead horse here. This film is just good, clean, family fun. From now on, I'll expect my live action fairy tale adaptations to be more like this. We've been quoting lines from the movie all week, and it's not getting old yet. All I ask is that you give it a chance. What have you got to lose? ;) If you want to know what I said about it last week you can use this link:
http://thecupboardunderthestairs221bbagend.blogspot.com/2012/07/fairest-of-fairest-in-fair-land.html

Sherlock Holmes

Chance you'll like it: 95%
Remember that dead horse I promised not to beat a few seconds ago? Well, someone better call PETA! I will never be able to say enough good things about this movie. I don't know why I'm putting this on here since I'm sure most of you already own it ;) However, for the small percentage of you that don't, get out and rent this movie tonight! The plot is fun and action packed, the Holmes/Watson dynamic is pure joy, the cinematography is incredible, and it's devotion to the books is deeply satisfying. Alright, I'll end my sycophantic rant now. But if you want to hear my praise for this movie you can look into this earlier post of mine:
http://thecupboardunderthestairs221bbagend.blogspot.com/2012/06/to-eliminate-impossible.html

Man on a Ledge

Chance you'll like it: 75%
This was another pleasant surprise. Yes, some of the humor was cliche, and I guessed the "secrets" pretty much the second the movie started, but still for a one time view that costs less than a $1.50 I think your sure to enjoy yourself. It has an Italian Job/Ocean's 11 feel with a more serious twist. There were just the right amount of tense "are the gonna make it" scenes without making it ridiculous. It's a pretty simple film, so my review is simple. There's a pretty good chance you'll enjoy watching it at least once, so check it out sometime.

Woman in Black

Chance you'll like it: 65%

Has anyone heard of The Turn of the Screw? It was actually one of the first horror narratives put into a novel. The reason it's called The Turn of the Screw is because the narrator is told that if he can tell a scary story that involves innocent children it would add an extra turn of the screw (In other words, make the tension that much more intense.) It's a great book you should check it out. This idea has been successfully used in films like The Sixth Sense and The Other. However, it's gotten to the point where I'm really getting sick of child gore and this movie encompasses all that. That being said, let's look a little deeper.

When I see movies that are supposed to be scary, I'm looking for one thing: originality that doesn't employ gore. For the most part, this movie accomplished that. There were enough creative jumps scenes to allow me to overlook "Harry Potter's" mediocre acting. After you you know how the story line plays out, you're left with a "everything that just happened was purposeless" feeling. That and the motivation of the feminine poltergeist was sketchy at best. But hey, she's a woman and men rarely understand them ;) Overall, I'd recommend it for a few harmless scares. (Minus my wife!)
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Side note: So remember that time I actually thought Redtails would be a good movie. HAHAHA! Oh, the follies of youth. Well, that train-wreck of a movie is also at Redbox now so you can see how wrong I was. But only if you're willing to waste 2 hours watching and 24 hours regretting you did!

Here's what I said before I saw it:
http://thecupboardunderthestairs221bbagend.blogspot.com/2011/12/year-of-nights-at-movies.html

And my apology after:
http://thecupboardunderthestairs221bbagend.blogspot.com/2012/03/my-redtail-recompense.html