Something Entertainingly Wicked This Way Comes

Let me just come out and say it: I was a sacredy cat as a kid. No, really, everything used to terrify me. Ghosts, the dark, the crazy lady that lived next store, sitting on the toilet and the possibility of a snake swimming up the pipes and biting my tush… you get the idea. I remember going to one of my first camp-outs and hearing my first ghost story. You may think it terrified me for life. But that is where you would be wrong! I sat sensibly with my fingers glued in my ears. (Of course, I pretended like I was listening… I gasped when I saw other people looking particularly scared. ;) It gets worse. As a wee lad, I was so terrified of vampires that my brother Keith would chase me around the house telling me he was a vampire until I would break down and cry uncontrollably. You may laugh at people who are scared of their own shadows… but that’s probably because you have no idea how quickly they sneak up on you. Beware!

Oddly enough, the second I hit my teen years my perspective on fear did a one-eighty. No, I wasn’t one of those kids who became obsessed with the macabre, but I found being in scary situations extremely exciting. We humans sure are weird, huh? It wasn’t long before the only things I feared were boring stuff like not finding a wife, and (well, lets be honest) no one ever gets over the snake-in-the-toilet fear. I found it vastly entertaining to be the cause of that harmless fear. Of course, this new interest translated into movies: making scary movies (with a funny twist) and watching them.

 I never became a fan of gore. You can try all day to change my opinion on the added value it gives to a movie, and I will ignore your words and pity your life. Real scary movies don’t need gore to terrify. It’s just a cheap trick that makes the mind uncomfortable. Because face it, you have to have slight sociopathic tendencies to feel completely at ease watching a body be dismembered in “creative” ways. I, for one, prefer the tension that builds with the music, the anticipation of not knowing what’s behind the next corner, and the shock of the unexpected. Combined with a truly cleaver narrative and a twist ending that deceives me, you’ve got yourself a die-hard fan.

Now, some of you may be wondering; “Hey, how can I scare my pants off so bad this Halloween that I can’t sleep that night but love every second of it?” Well, lucky for you, you're reading this post, and it just so happens to be a top ten list of movies (sans gore) that will make you pull out the night light. (Yes, I’m aware that for many of you that light is a permanent fixture.) You’ll find that many of them are old classics. This is because they just don’t make scary movies like they used to, and because black and white films already have an inherent creep factor. 

10. The Others

This movie's creep factor can be attributed to one thing: the old woman. There is a slight chance that someone reading this won't have seen the movie, yet so I won't give away the ending, but it is probably one of the best twists of the scary movie genre. The movie ranks low, though, because once you know the twist, repeat watchings become less and less entertaining. It's still a mildly scary movie though and is likely to make you fear the dark and crazy obsessed Bible beating Mothers... It's a good one for those of you who, like my wife, hate being scared after a movie but don't mind being scared during it.

9. Midnight Lace

This one I would say is probably only known to two or three people reading this. It stars Doris Day and if you don't know who she is, she might ruin the movie for you. However, there are truly creepy scenes in this movie. It begins with a women walking through a park during an extremely foggy day in London. As she's walking through, she hears a voice start talking to her about a scary amount of personal detail. Of course, the voice than threatens to kill her, and the premise of the movie is the repeated death threats from this unknown voice. But, oh my gosh, the voice... until you hear it you won't truly understand how creepy it is. I recommend you give it a shot if you're the adventurous type.

8. What Lies Beneath

This one doesn't really need much explanation. Yes, there is a slight gore factor in this, but that really does nothing to effect the feel of the movie. I love taking baths and this movie had the power to ruin that for me for about a month or two. Plus, who in the heck expected the killer to be Harrison Ford! Han Solo can't have affairs and then kill the girl... it's just wrong! ;) I think Alisa has put a ban on ever watching this movie, but I promise it isn't that bad if you've never seen it. Give it a try! ...but I am sorry for the nightmares.

7. The Wolfman

"Even a man whose pure of heart and says his prayers by night, may become a wolf when the wolf-bane blooms and the autumn moon is bright." OK, this movie isn't really scary... just so much fun! Dracula and Nosferatu are both scarier and superior films, but I'm a sucker for this one. The idea of a good man that can't stop himself from doing truly terrible things during a full moon is much more compelling to me. Plus, I just love the feel of this film: the black and white, the heavy fog, the cheesy mutation scene. It's not called a classic for nothing. For those of you who can get your hands on an edited copy of the new adaptation (Good luck! took me a year to find!), I can't say I'd recommend it, but I can't say I was disappointed either!

6. The Pit and The Pendulum  

Yeah, you remember this film... it's the one that they showed you in class that had pretty much nothing in common with the short story except the title. It's also the reason you had your first panic attack in school! This movie is the definition of the word creepy! I unfortunately missed the high school opportunity, so I only saw it last year for the first time. But I loved it! The scene where Vincent Price's character follows the voice of his dead wife down the secret passage nearly gave me heart failure! They can try a thousand different things in Hollywood today, but they'll never surpass the enjoyable creepiness of this one. Like I said, they just don't make movies like they used to.

5. House on Haunted Hill

This is pretty much proof that Vincent Price is the king of scary movies. Some of the special effects of this film have been so outmoded that it looks truly ridiculous, but that just makes me love it all the more when they do something that is scary even by today's standard. If you have never seen this movie, rectify that immediately. There will be a couple parts that make even the tough guys jump, but it won't leave you too scared to enjoy your nights rest. Watch it once, and it'll probably become family tradition! 

4. Devil

Poor M. Night Shyamalan, you destroyed your career so completely that most people didn't even bother to see this movie which redeemed much of your former glory!! There is no other word for this film... it is scary. Yes, there is a Mexican guy narrating that keeps spotting obnoxious and false facts about the devil, but that is the only downside to this movie. It's a story about five complete strangers that get trapped on an elevator, and one of them is the devil. Lights flicker, people die, and you scream. The ending... oh dear. I couldn't get it out of my mind for a week! It was so awesome! If your brave enough, see if you can handle it this Halloween! ;)

3. Psycho

It's a Hitchcock movie. Enough said! I could have recommended a hundred others (Dial M for Murder, Rear Window, Vertigo, etc.), but this is by far my favorite and the scariest. I really wish I could have seen this movie twenty years earlier so I could watch it without knowing the ending. This one, unlike The Others, just keeps better with each watching (even though you would know the ending). If you want to know how far society has slipped on the gore issue, here is you're proof. This movie once had an R rating and is now PG! Norman Bates is by far one of the creepiest bad guys ever written. It's just a shame they have to keep trying to remake great films!

2. The Sixth Sense

Yes, I'm aware that many of you don't qualify this as a scary movie. But most people claim they were terrified to go to the bathroom at night for a year after this movie came out. It is an incredible dramatic narrative, but it's incredible because it's so much more. It truly messes with your mind and makes you wonder, "What if someday I start seeing dead people?" Or worse yet, "What if my child had that ability?" It's all the more sad to think about Mr. Shyamalan's skill in this film because he had the makings of the next Hitchcock, and he blew it! Oh well, this movie is still one of the best films of the 21st century. Enjoy! And remember to not drink liquids before bed if you watch it! ;)

1. The Haunting

Please, PLEASE, do not associate this film with the ridiculous modern adaptation starring Liam Neeson and Cathrine Zeta-Jones. This movie is scary. It invented many of the camera tricks so heavily used in scary films today! The fact that it's in black and white just makes it all the more creepy. I first saw this at the age of twelve, and it was the first time I experienced physical pain from being startled so bad. Of course, I realize many people will mock some of the dialogue (the main character Eleanor is easy to mock), but if you read the book they stay extremely faithful to her character, and it makes her all the more creepy! Furthermore, you have to realize this movie came out just three years after Psycho! It's an older flick, but it's one that I absolutely have to watch every Halloween. It is by far the best scary movie without gore that I have ever seen! I hope you watch and agree!
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While checking to make sure there weren't any better movies out there for my list I came across this dozy...
Watch it... if you dare! ;)
Harper's Ferry: A Ghostwalk With Alisa and Carl