The Age Of Dead Fairytales

Do you ever end up hating that your instincts are right? It seems odd that that would be the case because most people want to trust their instincts. But that must be it--we don't trust or instincts, so we bet against them and end up wishing we hadn't, and as a result we say, "I hate that I was right!" Ladies and Gentleman, I hate that I was right. The first time I saw the Brave trailer I knew I should avoid it. Sadly, I'm a sucker to the magic of Disneyland and ended up changing my mind. Long story short, Alisa and I took an impulsive trip to see the newest Pixar flick last night. Curse you, Happiest Place on Earth! ...I don't mean that...

Now, don't jump to conclusions. You'll need to read this whole thing and not just assume I hated it; ignore my opinion and go see it anyway. Before we went, Alisa told me she didn't want to go because she (correctly) assumed my critical comments throughout the movie would ruin it for her. So, because I love her so much, I promised her and myself that I would give the movie the benefit of the doubt. So in fairness to you, I offer the benefit of the doubt and the cold hard truth.

Benefit of the Doubt

Let's face it, Pixar is a force to be reckoned with. They have made some truly outstanding movies and probably will continue to do so. I will let you know that the short before the movie (La Luna) was one of the best I have ever seen. That gives me faith that they still have great things coming for us. Brave had many of the same elements that made movies like Toy Story, Finding Nemo, and Ratatouille so great.

First of all, the animation was spectacular! There were several shots in the movie where I thought to myself, "Man, I wish I had a picture of that." There is a scene that shows Merida riding through the forest shooting arrows and climbing cliffs that is, to put it simply, awesome. Combine that with an incredible score and you've really got something. I'll just say I am planning on buying the score regardless of my feelings towards the movie. 

To give a truly unbiased opinion, the movie really was funny. For the most part I didn't feel that Pixar had lost any of its comedic power. I was sure that Merida's three younger brothers would be cliche slapstick material for the younger kids in the audience, but they really were hilarious. They also had some really cool ideas. For example, I loved what the did with the "wisps." They were a combination of creepy and enchanting at the same time. Plus, the casting was spot on. I mean, come on, who doesn't love Emma Thompson or Billy Connolly? So you would think all this would make a great movie right? Unfortunately, we have to face cold hard truth. If you don't have a plot, you don't have anything.

The Cold Hard Truth

Let me save you between six and ten dollars a person. If you feel like watching this movie, just go watch Disney's Robin Hood than follow it up with Brother Bear, and don't allow anyone to talk unless they use a Scottish accent the whole time, and you've got your movie. Really, with so much that came together to create a great movie, they wasted it on one of the most boring plot I've seen come out of Pixar. I'm going tell you the "secret" plot just for the simple reason that I knew it and as a result liked it more than my wife who didn't know what was going to happen and was disappointed. Merida gets a witch to make a curse that turns her mom into a bear. The plot revolves around trying to turn her back.

I mean, come on! Scottish heritage, witches, wisps and a warrior princess and the best you can come up with is turning into a BEAR! No, that's not thunder, it's the sound of failed potential. Let's get down to the nitty-gritty. It seems that for some reason Pixar and Disney are trying to switch roles. Pixar came out with Brave which had more of a Disney feel, and Disney is coming out with Wreck-it-Ralph which has Pixar written all over it. I think that is a mistake.

First of all, I don't know when Pixar started slipping but the fact that naked butt humor needs to be introduced may point to desperation. Yes, you read that correctly. Naked adult male butts are used to make a joke as well as a zoom-in shot of a larger lady's chest. Classy touch Pixar. You used to be our hope for clean family humor. We can get that junk of Dreamworks if we want it. It takes more skill to not be crude.

Secondly, I like that Pixar works outside the romantic love and likes to keep it in the family. I mean look at their movies: a dad searching the ocean for his son, a family of super heroes, an old man that loses his wife and practically adopts a wilderness explorer, a rat that can cook... I love that they work the family theme into their films. However, am I just sappy for wanting a good old fashioned love story with my fairytale? Moreover, I didn't like the message of the family theme. I read a review that said Merida was the best role model Princess Disney has given us. WHAT!?!

Let me inform you that if my daughter takes Merida as a role-model she'll be spending a month grounded. Primarily because Merida causes all the trouble in the first place. All this "choose your own fate" stuff is nice (Wait, if you choose your fate doesn't that mean it isn't fate...) but it ignores that adults often have to sacrifice and do things they don't want to. Merida just comes off as a whining brat that gets back at her mom for asking her to shoulder some responsibility.  Look, I get the idea of freedom to choose, but they have a great line in the movie. "Freedom comes with a great price." And in the end Merida never learns that lesson and never matures. It's the mother that comes off looking as if she was wrong all along and needed to change while Merida merely regrets the whole bear incident.

It's also claimed that Merida is great because she goes against the romantic "Prince Charming lie." Brace yourselves my blood is boiling at this. It's claimed that Merida is a great role-model because she rejects needing a man. This is the age we've come to people. Men and women shouldn't work together anymore; they should just go it alone. I fully advocate women's equality but to claim that Disney Princesses are evil because they led to weak women is bull! 

Belle tamed the Beast, Arial fought alongside Eric, Cinderella got her own dang fairy godmother and Nala pinned Simba every time. Heck, all Prince Charming did for Snow White was give her a kiss! Furthermore why aren't feminist also pointing out that the most powerful villains in these fairytales aren't the guys like Gaston or Captain Hook? It's the Evil Queen, Maleficent, and Ursula. But for some reason Merida is the great role model cause she shuns men... nice. What makes love great is that it gives men and women the power to do anything they can imagine. In fairness they try to save face at the end by saying Merida should be able to marry for love, but it's clear she doesn't want a man. She wants to go play in the woods all day. Ladies and gentleman, we've enter the age of dead fairytales. 

OK, sorry that came off preachy but don't attack Disney classics, and we'll get along fine. For me, Brave is the movie of failed potential. It really could have been great, but I had guessed the entire plot (No, I didn't give it all way in this blog) after the first third of the movie and was bored out of my mind for the final two-thirds. If you're smart, you'll save your money and Redbox it. But I can't expect you to do what I didn't. Oh well, you've been warned. ;)